Santa Banta SMS Jokes

Santa Banta SMS Jokes

Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes
closed.
His wife asked what you are doing?
He said-I’m seeing how I look while sleeping
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One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Exclaimed the Sardar
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A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK.
I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.
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Sardar ki maut bijli girnay say hoi
per us ki lash muskuratay hoay mili
baghwan ne pocha aisa kiun?
to sardar bola "mai nu laga koi photo khinch raiya ae"
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ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM, DARLING
ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL YOU GIVE ME A RING?
HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
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1 din 1 daku 1 sardar k ghar mein ghuss gaya or bula SONA kahan hai sardar g ullu de patthe pura ghar khali ay jithay marzi soja
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Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor: I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor: I'm Banta not Santa
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Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chiken, Waiter comes with the order, Surdar:Murgi di taang kithe hai? Waiter:Woh langra tha. Surdar: Dil? Waiter:Dil murgi le gayee. Surdar: Dimaag? Waiter: Murga SARDAR tha!!!
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1sardar teliscope se star dekh raha tha 5 min. after star girta hai to 2sardar said good shot
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Sardar going with his sister, Some shouts "Oye, ,mashoka le ker kahan nikle" Sardar gets furious & slap him & says" Oye. mashoka hogi tero. Meri to behan hai"!
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sardar prepared only one essay "Friend" for his exam. But in exam he got "Father" essay. so he replaced Freind with with father and wrote like this.... " I have lots of Fathers. some are male and some are female.But i have lots of Girl fathers.My best father is my neighbour...!!"

Sardar Jokes

Sardarji Jokes
FUNTOOS KI JADU KI JAPPI - SARDARAN SANTA BANTA JOKES

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.

Following is the transcript :

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.
----
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below

O : Front
S : Back

O : Left
S : Right

O : Male
S : Female

O : Ugly    (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)

O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......
Our sardar also shouts)

#Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.
BALLE BALLE SARDARJI
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SUGAR TEST -
Sardar enters kitchen, opens sugar box, looks inside and closes it. This he does again and again. Why?

Because the doctor told him to check sugar regularly

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नौकरी और मजाक

ENTERTAINMENT / HUMOUR / JOKES

नौकरी और मजाक

एक युवक नौकरी के लिये इंटरव्यू देने गया. इंटरव्यू की समाप्ति पर साक्षात्कारकर्ता ने उससे अंतिम सवाल पूछा – ”आप कितने वेतन की अपेक्षा रखते हैं ?’

युवक ने जवाब दिया – यही कोई पांच लाख रूपये सालाना के आसपास वेतन और उसी अनुसार भत्ते.

साक्षात्कारकर्ता – अच्छा ये बताओ अगर तुम्हें दस लाख रूपये सालाना वेतन, करीब पांच लाख रूपये के आसपास भत्ते, पॉश कॉलोनी में एक बंगला, आने-जाने के लिये एक होंडा सिटी और शहर से बाहर जाने पर मुफ्त हवाई यात्रा दी जाये तो तुम्हें मंजूर होगा.

युवक – वाह क्या बात है ! कहीं आप मजाक तो नहीं कर रहे ?

Q and A ( Tanta Banta)

Q and A ( Tanta Banta)

sardarji #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
sardarji #2: "No, who wrote it?"

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SARDARJI BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.Q: When did Bourbaki stop writing books?
A: When they realized that Serge Lang was a single person...

Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!

Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"

Q.1 RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )

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Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

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Q3. Harbhajan ask's Kumble to bring a Pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of Pepsi but goes directly to Shehwag.? Why ?? Why ??
Ans:- Shehwag is an opener

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Q5. Who kya hai Jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

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Q6. What will! U call a person who is leaving India ??
Socho....... ........
Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

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Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
Ans:- Adidas

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Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well.
Luv falls into the well. Why ?
Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!

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Q.9 Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.
Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

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Q 10. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. Nahi pata..??
Ans:- D'Cold chain ki saans
HOPE U LIKE IT !!!!!!!
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Q. Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?

A. They are there for those who don t drink.

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Q: What do you get if you put some sugar under your pillow?
A: Sweet dreams!

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Q. What did the Sardar say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A. "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

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Q. What do you call an eternity?
A. Four Sardars in four cars at a four way stop.

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Q. Why do Sardars have TGIF written on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.

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Q. What do SMART Sardars and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

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Q. Why did the Sardars stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Because it said concentrate.
Oh look, Daddy...Donut seeds.

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Q. Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
A. They think their picture is being taken.

=========================================Q. How can you tell when a Sardars sends you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
Q. Why can't Sardars dial 911?
A. They can't find the 11 on the phone!

Munna Bhai Jokes

Munna Bhai Jokes

PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

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CIRCUIT
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

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MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

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MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

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MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

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PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI

Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

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Sardar Jokes

Lovely Sardar Jokes

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
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Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call
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Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
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Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
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Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
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Banta ek ! sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
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Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
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Santa:Q: Why dogs don't marry?
BantaA: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
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Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

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Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!
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Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
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Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When Banta asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
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Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks
Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.
Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab
You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
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A Sardarjee buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks." The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks. The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"
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Once a Sardarji was going to his office. On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and exclaimed "sala aaj bhi phisalna hoga". Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed "ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!
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Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya rahe honge....think............. "SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
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What is the chemical formula 4 water? Sardar: HIJKLMNO.
Teacher: what r u talking about?
Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.
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One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.
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Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
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Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
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Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler
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Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardarjee : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardarjee : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.
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2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don't worry, I have a one more.
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Doctor to patient ( sardar) : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient (Sardar) : Yes. A good doctor.
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On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him, "Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
Sardar : "Ya sure, from landline or mobile".
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Sardar1:- Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2:-Birla cement
Sardar1:-Kyun?
Sardar2:- Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain
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A sardarji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral > function, suddenly all relatives beat him why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"
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Sardarji gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardarji:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
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Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth................. WHY?

because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=
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SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF I SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....
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One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U knw Why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
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Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

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How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend.

He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the
third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
(What Happened, My Son?)

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)

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Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for
another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

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Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao

Kaun Banega Crorepati with Santa Singh

Kaun Banega Crorepati with Santa Singh

We have our famous friend Santa Singh qualifying for the hot seat. ( He pressed the buttons by accident and managed to qualify).

Amitabh Bachchan : OK Santa I congratulate you for this opportunity here with us.
Santa : Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fateh. Chak denge phatte aaj. Tusi start karo ji.

Amitabh Bachchan : OK Santa this is your first question for 1000 Rs. - 'Which state has the largest sikh population ?' and your options are:
A. Punjab
B. Punjab
C. Punjab
D. Punjab
Santa : Oh ji how much time do I've to answer this question

Amitabh Bachchan : Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai Santa ji, you can take your time.
Santa (giggles) : Sir ji tricky sawaal puchha hai aapne. I would like to use my lifeline.

Amitabh Bachchan : I'm not surprised on this , which one wud U like to use.
Santa : Audience poll

Amitabh Bachchan : OK audience please be ready with your voting pads, and your time starts now.
After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board.
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%

Amitabh Bachchan : Santa ji, this is a no good situation for you, I can share your
disgust here.
Santa : Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. Fasa diya Sirji aapki audience ne. I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.

Amitabh Bachchan : Very good ! 50 50 ka istemal karna chahenge. OK computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen.
Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab
Santa : Badi chalu machine hai aapki sar ji. Mein chodoonga nahi aaj isko. Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.

Amitabh Bachchan : Kamal hai Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have record of using all the lifelines in the very first question.This is great . OK phone a friend - kisko phone karna chahen ge aap.
Santa : My one and only one... mera langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.

Amitabh Bachchan : OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye. Phone rings. Banta picks it 'Hulloooooo, kon hai oye adhi raati,???'

Amitabh Bachchan : Hello Banta ji , mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Star Plus ke Kaun Banega Crorepati se.
Banta : OOOOOOOOOO Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein.... #_^_%_#_%_%_&. Ki hal chal he sar ji.

Amitabh Bachchan : Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap
apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan bethe hain mere saath aur.................
Banta (Interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gayahoga, khota hai sala. Sawal pucho ji.

Amitabh Bachchan : Aapko sirf tees second .,.............chaliye mein aapko special
case karte hue 1 minute doonga. Aur aapka samay shuru hota hai aab.
Santa : Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??
Banta : Oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khotya tu meri kameez pehen gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap layega kya ??.

Amitabh Bachchan: Santa ji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa : Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai ..... (he tells him the
question).
Banta : Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska answer mujhe aata hai. Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer Punjab hai lallu.
Santa : oye par ......... (and the clock stops).

Amitabh Bachchan : Samay khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai , ab to mujhe pakka confidence hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.
Santa : Ullu ka patha hai ji, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.

And this was the last episode of KBC as most of the audience died laughing...

Sardarjee Jokes (Santa Banta)

Sardarjee Jokes  (Santa Banta)

Santa Caught by Taliban.
Talibani (To Santa) - Islam Kabul Karo, Warna Gala Kaat diya jayega.
Santa - Yaar ye v ajeeb dharam hai, Kabul karo to Lulli Kat dete ho, na karo to Gardan!!!
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Banta: Kee Gal hai Sante. Kalle Kalle samosey kha reyan
Santa : Nahin yaarr, Chutney De Naal.
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JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE SAR MEIN DARD HAI WOH SARDAAR HAI. WAH WAH WAH .......
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Sardar Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other
on a country road. Hari Singh carried a bag over his shoulder. "Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled,
"what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply.
"If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"
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I can kiss u without even touching u.
Gal: U can't
Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
Gal: Ok
Santa kisses her lips
Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs.
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Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.
Santa: Bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!
Santa: It's a gud News.
Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.
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Santa bought a car on loan...
He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this,
I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
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A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it’s 25,000
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Sardar ji says I love u to his girl friend and suddenly falls on the floor.
Girl Friend: What is this?
Sardarji: O ji, I'm falling in love!
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Ek sardar ka 20 saal baad beta hua. Who udas hogaya.
2nd dost : yaar udas kyon ho?
Sardar: 20 saal baad beta hua tay "oh vi inna chota"
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Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper,it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
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Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it had I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.
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Sardarji is at a feast arranged by the Queen of England. One of the dignitaries present requests the Queen, "Pass the Wine you Devine !". Sardarji thinks to himself - "How poetic !". Sardar also wants to say a rhyming sentence. He tells the British ambassador sitting next to him, "Pass the custard you bastard".
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Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother owns a apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at the shop because he had to go somewhere. He asked his brother if somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them $2 a pound. If somebody questions wheter these apples are sweet or sour, tell them some are some are not. If some body says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy.
Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples. A lady comes and asks sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a pound. Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools.Sardarji replied, some are some are not. Lady got frustrated and said, I will take you to police station. Sardarji replied, if you will not take some body else take.
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GAMBLER Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday."
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
"But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
"Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "
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ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..……kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda..
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Transferring Files
Santa once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another. Following was the steps followed by him.
1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.
2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file.
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option!!

Sardarji and cricket match

Sardarji and cricket match

Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest...
First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji's off-stump. Sardarji doesn't move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji's bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again unmoved.
Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn't move a muscle.
Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!"

Sardarji walks up to the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it now!You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!"

Jokes on Sardar

Jokes on Sardar

Sardar: Mery dada ny 1857 ke jang main dushman ki tangain kaat di thin.

Dost: Gardanien q nai katin?


Sardar: Wo pehly he kati hui thin...

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Sardar: Muje E-Mail bnana hy. Sardar, Sardarg, Sardar123, Sardarabc Koi bhi nhe mil rha.

Major Rohail: Tum "Akalmand_Sardar" try kro 100% mil jye ga.

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Computer Lesson:

Major Rohail: Plz turn ON your computer

Sardar: OK kar liya.

Major Rohail: Now Plz click on MY Computer.

Sardar: OK! Kaha hai "AAP" ka computer?
***************************************************************
Sardar to wife: rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere age kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,
Wife: Kaun si movie thi?
Sardar: Apni shadi ki
**************************************************************
Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaye
Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- to behan kuch or paka lo:
***************************************************************
Judge: why did u shoot ur wife, instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one
man every week.

Sardar or Intelligent

Sardar or Intelligent

Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father. " Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. "

Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.

Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Gym class. All the other boys had little small 3 inch penises, mine is at least 3 or 4 times that size. Is that because I am Sardar ??" The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

Sadar and unknown traveller

Sadar and unknown traveller

A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last
compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out. Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm
sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".  

Afraid that someone will stole your slippers? then use Sardar Technique

Afraid that someone will stole your slippers? then use Sardar Technique

Afraid that someone will take away your slippers when you leave them outside the place of worship?

Follow the same method as this genius Banta sardar!-
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Sardarjee's Love

Sardarjee's Love

A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister....

New Sardar Jokes

New Sardar Jokes

Santa: Mujhe shadi me BMW mili hy,
Banta: Par tumhare pas to koi car nhi,

Santa: Aby ghadhe BMW ka matlab hy,
BOHAT MOTI WIFE.

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Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions

Teacher: If 1000 Kgs = Ton. Then

For 3000 Kgs =How Much?

Santa:
Ton! Ton! Ton!

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Santa ke ghar Ladki ne janam liya..

Banta: jab ladki badi hogi to ladke ise chedenge.
Santa: Maine iska intejaam kar liye hai.
Banta: kya kiya?



Santa: Ladki ka naam DIDI rakh diya hai.

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Santa: Jail ko "Hawalaat" kyu kehte hy?


Banta: Kyu k jail me khane ko sirf

"Hawa" aur "Laat" hi milti hai.

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Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh

Java Interview attended by our Banta Singh ( Sardar Joke) 

Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... Nothing more

Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Non living things can't communicate.

Q. What is meant by flickering ?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. When is update method called ?
A. Who is update method?

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. How you can know about drivers and database information ?
A. I will go and enquire in the bus dep to.

Q. What is serialization ?
A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.

Q. What is the exact diffe rence between Unicast and Multicast object ?
A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast.

Latest Jokes on Sardar

Latest Jokes on Sardar  (Santa Banta)

Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank.
Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine,
Happily they drank & went away.
Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya. 


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Ek Sardar ne ek bachy se pucha k tum ko A,B,C Aaty hai to bachy ne keha k mujy 9 tak aty hia..
Sardar ne bachy se keha k oyee Ullu k pathy 9 A,b,c main nahe aata. yeh to Alif,, Be,,Main ata hai:


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Sardar Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala

Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi

Kyun...

Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The

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Santa-Oye!what R U doing?

Banta-Recording this babys voice.

Santa-Why?

Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this

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Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi

To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya

Aur Niche Likha

"COMING SOON”

New Sardar Jokes

New Sardar Jokes (SANTA BANTA JOKES)

 

SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?

FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.

SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..

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Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying

Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver

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Waiter gives bill to Sardar

Sardar: "Take my card."

Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card."

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SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai.

Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

Dost: Garam pani Q?

Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.

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A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

"My father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then a Little Sardarji spoke up: "We are all human beans."

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Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:

Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai?

Sardarni: Sartaj, sirf yehi aapka hai.

Sardarji Bank Loan Joke

Sardarji Bank Loan Joke

A sardarji walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks andneeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of securityfor such a loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

Sardarji replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

संता बंता जोक्स / चुटकुले (Santa Banta Jokes In Hindi)

संता बंता जोक्स / चुटकुले   (Santa Banta Jokes In Hindi)

• संग्रहालय का इंचार्ज (गुस्से में) तुम्हें पता है जो मूर्ति तुमने तोड़ी है वह पांच सौ साल पुरानी थी..!!!संताः शुक्र है, मैंने तो सोचा था कि नई है…

• बंताः आओ यार शतरंज खेलें…संताः तू चल मैं स्पोर्ट्स शूज पहनकर आता हूं…!!!

• दो कुमारियों को एक जादूगरनी ने खूब ठगा।उनसे कहा कि हम एक रुपये में तुम दोनों को तुम्हारे पति का मुख दिखा देंगे और रुपया लेकर उन दोनों को एक आईना दिखा दिया।

बिचारियों ने पूछा, “यह क्या?”

तो बह डोकरी बोली-”बलैया ल्यौ जब ब्याह होगा तो यही मुंह दूल्हे का हो जायेगा।

• “एक नामुराद आशिक से किसी ने पूछा,”कहो जी, तुम्हारी माशूक तुम्हें क्यौ नहीं मिली?”बेचारा उदास होके बोला, “यार कुछ न पूछो। मैंने इतनी खुशामद की कि उसने अपने को सचमुच की परी समझ लिया और हम आदमियों से बोलने में भी परहेज किया।”

• पत्नी ( पति से ) – कल रात तुम मुझे नींद में गालियां दे रहे थे ?
  पति ( पत्नी से )- तुम्हारी गलतफहमी है।
  पत्नी – कैसी गलतफहमी ?
  पति – यही कि मैं नींद में था।

• संता – तुम मेसिज दो बार क्यों भेजतो हो ?
  बंता – ताकि एक को फॉर्वर्ड कर दोगो तो दूसरा तुम्हारे पास रहेगा।

• मतदाता (चुनाव लड़ रहे नेता से) यह तो बताइए आप जीत गए तो क्या करेंगे?
  नेताः भाई, मुझे तो चिंता इस बात की है कि अगर हार गया तो क्या करूँगा।

• नेता जी ने दिल्ली में करीब एक हफ्ते से डेरा डाल रखा था।
  उनके साथ आई उनकी पत्नी ने एक दिन उकता कर पूछ लियाः आखिर बात क्या है कि आप यहां से हिलने का नाम नहीं ले रहे हैं।
  अरे भागवान! मुझे चुनाव में खड़े होने का टिकट चाहिए या नहीं…
  वाह जी, ट्रेन हो या सिनेमाहाल, हर कहीं तो आप बिना टिकट जाते हो, फिर चुनाव के लिए भला क्यों?

• टीचरः सूखे और बाढ़ में जमीन-आसमान का अंतर कैसे है?
  छात्रः सूखे में नेताजी जीप से दौरा करते हैं, और बाढ़ में हेलिकॉप्टर से….

• ता का बेटा: पापा मुझे भी राजनीति में उतरना है, कुछ टिप्स दीजिए।
  नेता: बेटा, राजनीति के तीन कठोर नियम होते हैं, चलो पहला नियम समझाता हूँ…
  नेताजी ने बेटे को छत पर भेज दिया और ख़ुद नीचे आकर खड़े हो गए।
  नेताजी: छत से नीचे कूद जाओ,
  बेटा: पापा, इतनी ऊंचाई से कुदूंगा तो हाथ-पैर टूट जायेंगे।
  नेताजी: बेझिजक कूद जा, में हूँ न, पकड़ लूँगा।
  लड़के ने हिम्मत की और कूद गया पर नेताजी नीचे से हट गए। बेटा धडाम से औंधे मुंह गिरा।
  बेटा: (कराहते हुए) आपने तो कहा था मुझे पकडेंगे फिर हट क्यों गए।
  नेताजी: ये है पहला सबक- राजनीति में अपने पिता पर भी भरोसा मत करो…

• नेता की पत्नीः आपकी हार का मुख्य कारण क्या रहा?
  नेताः मै शिकार हो गया था..
  पत्नीः किस चीज का?
  नेताः सही मतगणना का…

• ममी – बेटा तू तो लाखों करोड़ों का है।
  बेटा – ममी , उसमें से जरा 10 रुपये देना। मुझे चॉकलेट लेनी है।

• क्या कह रहे हो यार ? हर घंटे में इंजेक्शन देते हैं तुम्हें ! कोई भयंकर बीमारी है क्या ?’
  ‘ नहीं भाई। मुझे मालूम नहीं था कि वह खूबसूरत नर्स डॉक्टर की प्रेमिका है। मैंने उसे छेड़ दिया था , उसकी सजा मिल रही है। ‘

• अजी , सुनते हो ? लगता है , हमारा बेटा भी आपकी तरह नेता बनेगा ?’
  ‘ यह तुम कैसे कह सकती हो ?’
  ‘ जैसे तुम सदन से वॉकआउट कर जाते हो , उसी तरह आज यह घर से वॉकआउट कर गया क्योंकि उसके मतलब का खाना नहीं बना था। ‘

• डॉक्टर- अगर तुम लड़कियों का पीछा नहीं छोड़ोगे, तो जल्दी ही मर जाओगे।   रमन- लड़कियों का पीछा करने से कोई कैसे मर सकता है? डॉक्टर- उनमें से एक लड़की मेरी

• एक सज्जन को पोस्टर पढ़ने का शौक था, एक दिन शाम अंधेरे मे सड़क के किनारे खंभे पर पोस्टर देखा, तो उसको पढ़ने के लिए खंभे पर चढ़ गये , पोस्टर पर लिखा था ताज़ा पेंट है खंभे को न छुए !

• रमन ने रमेश से पूछा- ‘आखिर क्या कारण था कि आपने अपने बेटे की सगाई तोड़ दी।‘  रमेश ने जवाब दिया- ‘क्या करता, मेरी होने वाली बहू बॉक्सिंग चैंपियन जो थी।‘

• एक बार एक चोर चोरी करने गया तो वहाँ उसे उस घर के बच्चे ने देख लिया | चोर उसे देख कर घबरा कर भागने लगा तो वो बच्चा बड़ी मासूमियत से बोला तुझे जो ले जाना है चुप चाप ले जा, लेकिन साथ मे मेरा स्कूल बाग भी ले जाना वरना मम्मी को जगा दूँगा |

• संता- माफ कीजिए शर्मा जी, मैं अब कुछ नहीं कर सकता।  आपकी कोई अंतिम इच्छा हो तो बताइए।   बंता- मुझे किसी अच्छे डॉक्टर के पास ले जाइए।

• चार व्यक्तियों को अदालत में पेश किया गया। इल्जाम था कि वे पार्क में बैठे जुआ खेल रहे थे। मजिस्ट्रेट ने बारी – बारी से उनसे पूछा। पहले ने कहा , ‘ मैं उस दिन यहां था ही नहीं। सबूत के तौर पर अपने ट्रेवल एजेंट से रेल – टिकट की रसीद दे सकता हूं। ‘  दूसरा बोला : ‘ उस दिन मैं घर पर बुखार में पड़ा था। डॉक्टर का सर्टिफिकेट पेश कर सकता हूं। ‘ तीसरे का जवाब था : ‘ मैंने आज तक कभी जुआ नहीं खेला , ताश को हाथ तक नहीं लगाया गया। ‘ चौथा चुपचाप खड़ा रहा। उससे पूछा , ‘ और तुम भी जुआ नहीं खेल रहे थे ?’ वह बोला : ‘ जी , मैं अकेला जुआ कैसे खेल सकता हूं ?’

• एक पत्रकार महंगाई के बारे में लोगों की राय ले रही थी। सड़क के किनारे एक भिखारी से उसने पूछा : ‘ बाबा , आटा मंहगा हो गया है , इस बारे में तुम क्या कहते हो ?’  भिखारी बोला : ‘ महंगा हो गया है ? कब से ?’ वह खड़ा हो गया , ‘ अभी जाता हूं राशन वाले के पास और लेता हूं उसकी खबर। अब तक तो मैं उसे पुराने भाव पर ही आटा बेच रहा था। ‘

• वह ऑफिस जाने के लिए कार स्टार्ट कर रहा था। मगर कार थी कि स्टार्ट ही नहीं हो रही थी। पत्नी ने आ कर कहा : ‘ दस साल हो गए हैं इस कार को। कई बार कह चुकी हूं नई कार ले लो। ‘ पति बोला : ‘ और तुम्हारे साथ शादी हुए 15 साल हो गए हैं ! ‘

• विवाह के बाद प्रेमी ने प्रेमिका से कहा कि देखो अब हमारी शादी हो चुकी है। तुम्हारी कुछ बातें ऐसी हैं, जो मुझे पसंद नहीं आ रही, वो सब मैं तुम्हें बता देना चाहता हूँ। तुम चाहो तो इन्हें अपनी कमजोरियाँ समझ सकती हो। प्रेमिका (झल्ला कर बोली)-‘रहने दो ! मुझे अपनी सारी कमजोरियाँ मालूम हैं। आखिर उन्हीं के कारण तो मैं अच्छा पति नहीं पा सकी।‘

• पति ( पत्नी से ) – आज सुबह न जाने किसका मुंह देखकर उठा था कि दिन का खाना भी नसीब न हुआ। पत्नी ( पति से )- मेरी मानो तो बेडरूम में लगे आइने को हटा दो वरना रोज यही शिकायत रहेगी।